Нельзя было сказать, что у него узко посаженные глаза....

Но в монокль, он мог смотреть двумя глазами одновременно.

— Так-с! говорит участковый. Чудненько! Ща мы тебя за самогоноварение и того.
— Так я ж не гнал!
— Но аппарат же есть?
— Тогда и за изнасилование судите!
— А ты что, кого-то изнасиловал?!
— Нет! Но аппарат же есть?

Добавлено (22.12.2010, 15:11)
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И аналогичное. Кто знает английский, прочтёт, а кто нет, гуглтранслит в помощь

General Cosgrove was interviewed on ABC radio in Australia.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers…

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio cast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.